there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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