Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
