sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
