i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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