I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
