it's not cheating when I paid for it
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I touched a dick in church today
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
