Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
