he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
