He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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