ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
