This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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