Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
