no, he came in my armpit
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
