I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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