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The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
