please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
