Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
This is my gift to your gina
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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