***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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