Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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