Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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