I heard we made out
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
