Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
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When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
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Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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