Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
