Screwed.edu
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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