if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
