I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
