Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
