Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
