Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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