wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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