i think my tv is drunk
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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