you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
