And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Everyone says I win the strip club
Randomize
