my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
