every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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