did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
