If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
