I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
