I seem to have left my pride at pride
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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