I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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