I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
