hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?