I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
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The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
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Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car