this beer tastes like vomit already
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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