We named our party play list daddy issues
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
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