Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
