Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
