Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
