Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
