Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
