There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
