My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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