He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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