also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
