Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
