Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
