Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
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I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
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That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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