I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
