i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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