Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
