we have pet lesbian snakes
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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